Recently I've been thinking about going on a diet. I'm about average according to my doctors, but seeing as everyone in Australia is getting fatter, maybe average isn't the best place to be.
Obviously, eating right and exercising is the best way to get healthy, but when I hear about these fad diets, I'm tempted to try them to see if they work.
So, I am going to start trying them, and documenting them to see how they work, or if they work at all. I don't want to try anything stupid, like not eating anything at all, or a tape worm. Incidentally, I read a story about a woman who wanted a tape worm to lose weight because she wanted a quick fix, which is gross.
The first fad diet I want to try is the Beyonce Cayenne Pepper Diet. It's a Master Cleanse Diet, and it's pretty extreme. It requires abstaining from food for at least the first two days. This is what you need for the diet-
2 Tablespoons lemon juice or lime juice
2 Tablespoons real maple syrup
1/10 Teaspoon cayenne pepper
8 oz water
Yikes. I'm not going to see any results just after the first two days, but I'm going to drink this disgusting concotion for two weeks, as well eating fruit and veggies after the first two days. I don't think it's going to work, that I'm going to go on a binge after the first day.
Ah well, the diet starts tomorrow.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Advertising campaigns that don't quite work..
There's a new advertising campaign for Domino's heart clogging pizza, the 8 Meats Pizza. It has basically a whole barnyard of animals on it, except for faun, and the ad shows a faun ringing up Domino's because he wants faun on the menu.
Besides wondering why a faun would want people to eat him, (what is he, a cannibal?), it seems Domino's workers aren't aware of the ads. One of my friends ordered that pizza over the phone, and decided to be funny by asking for faun. I told him they probably get it all the time, and they'll be so sick of it they'll spit in his pizza. The man on the other phone answered, "What? Should I just put lamb on it?"
And my friend replied, "Yeah, okay."
And Hungry Jack's ad, where people stand in front of the counter, shell shocked and holding up their hands like they're holding a burger to order a Whopper, doesn't work either.
This is what happens when people try to be funny.
Domino's pizza's: Hoo-ah! The sound your heart makes when it resigns.
Besides wondering why a faun would want people to eat him, (what is he, a cannibal?), it seems Domino's workers aren't aware of the ads. One of my friends ordered that pizza over the phone, and decided to be funny by asking for faun. I told him they probably get it all the time, and they'll be so sick of it they'll spit in his pizza. The man on the other phone answered, "What? Should I just put lamb on it?"
And my friend replied, "Yeah, okay."
And Hungry Jack's ad, where people stand in front of the counter, shell shocked and holding up their hands like they're holding a burger to order a Whopper, doesn't work either.
This is what happens when people try to be funny.
Domino's pizza's: Hoo-ah! The sound your heart makes when it resigns.
Christmas is coming up
Which means there's a chance for you to show your friends and relatives how little you know them by getting them crappy gifts. It's the thought the counts, right? Even if no thought went into the present, or if what you thought was actually the complete opposite of their personality.
If you're unsure about what to get, here's a guide-
Go the safe route, and get a gift voucher, or money in a card. Sure, it can say you have no idea what they like, that you'd get something so horrible they'd hate you and return it as soon as possible, or you couldn't be bothered looking; but they'll be able to purchase something they actually like.
Remember one or two aspects of their personality. Me, I like to read. Pick any book off the shelf. If you're lucky, you may remember that I watch televison, and stumble across a book about television. However, be sure to check your idea with someone else, you wouldn't want to buy the same thing for another person, like my mum and aunty did last year when they both bought me the Chaser Annual for 2007. I read them both at the same time, double the entertainment (or double the shit, if you're not a fan).
Be careful about regifting. It's fine to do, if you haven't used the gift too much, or if it's an item of clothing, it doesn't have any stains on it. If you really have some stuff you don't use, you could always donate it to charity. But, if Good Sammie's isn't that close, it's easier to give a friend or family member that you're not that fond of, and thus don't want to spend that much money on. A handbag that you've only used a few times will do the trick, but remember to remove used tissues, movie ticket stubs, and any clues that signal this was your gift in the first place.
If these ideas fail, you can completely give up. Any old shit will do. Take my aunty, who gave me a year old horse calendar, with a $2 sticker on the front of it. Or the time she gave me some nail polish, which deserved a name like "Diarrhoea Delight" based on its shade. What about something a fourteen year old is sure to love, like a broken slinky? Awesome! Watch it do absolutely nothing!
If you're unsure about what to get, here's a guide-
Go the safe route, and get a gift voucher, or money in a card. Sure, it can say you have no idea what they like, that you'd get something so horrible they'd hate you and return it as soon as possible, or you couldn't be bothered looking; but they'll be able to purchase something they actually like.
Remember one or two aspects of their personality. Me, I like to read. Pick any book off the shelf. If you're lucky, you may remember that I watch televison, and stumble across a book about television. However, be sure to check your idea with someone else, you wouldn't want to buy the same thing for another person, like my mum and aunty did last year when they both bought me the Chaser Annual for 2007. I read them both at the same time, double the entertainment (or double the shit, if you're not a fan).
Be careful about regifting. It's fine to do, if you haven't used the gift too much, or if it's an item of clothing, it doesn't have any stains on it. If you really have some stuff you don't use, you could always donate it to charity. But, if Good Sammie's isn't that close, it's easier to give a friend or family member that you're not that fond of, and thus don't want to spend that much money on. A handbag that you've only used a few times will do the trick, but remember to remove used tissues, movie ticket stubs, and any clues that signal this was your gift in the first place.
If these ideas fail, you can completely give up. Any old shit will do. Take my aunty, who gave me a year old horse calendar, with a $2 sticker on the front of it. Or the time she gave me some nail polish, which deserved a name like "Diarrhoea Delight" based on its shade. What about something a fourteen year old is sure to love, like a broken slinky? Awesome! Watch it do absolutely nothing!
Prop 8 passed...can celebrity marriage be banned next?
A little while ago, Proposition 8 passed in California, which means California's constitution will define marriage as between a man and a woman. The end result is that same sex marriages have been banned in that state.
One of the arguements against gay marriage is that it would disturb the sanctity of marriage, after all, marriage is a sacred act and not to be taken lightly.
But there's something even worse than gay marriage that could destroy the ideals of marriage...the celebrity marriage in Las Vegas, and the divorce that soon follows when they sober up.
Peaches Geldof is said to be divorcing her husband of three months, Britney Spears got an annulment after being married to Jason Alexander for two days; and Zsa Zsa Gabor has been a bride nine times, one of those marriages only lasted a day.
And yet, Ellen DeGeneres has been with Portia De Rossi for four years, and they had a wedding ceremony in August this year. Obviously, they pose a threat to the sanctity of marriage, because neither of them has a willy.
(I'm pulling these facts off the internet, I'm not that obsessed)
One of the arguements against gay marriage is that it would disturb the sanctity of marriage, after all, marriage is a sacred act and not to be taken lightly.
But there's something even worse than gay marriage that could destroy the ideals of marriage...the celebrity marriage in Las Vegas, and the divorce that soon follows when they sober up.
Peaches Geldof is said to be divorcing her husband of three months, Britney Spears got an annulment after being married to Jason Alexander for two days; and Zsa Zsa Gabor has been a bride nine times, one of those marriages only lasted a day.
And yet, Ellen DeGeneres has been with Portia De Rossi for four years, and they had a wedding ceremony in August this year. Obviously, they pose a threat to the sanctity of marriage, because neither of them has a willy.
(I'm pulling these facts off the internet, I'm not that obsessed)
I think it's funny..
How no one in my family will change the time on our clocks. The one in our car is seven minutes fast, and because of daylight savings, one hour behind. No one can be bothered to change it, but whenever you want to know the time, you've got to add on one hour, and take away seven minutes.
Missing: Amy Winehouse's beehive
When I saw Amy Winehouse running about England without her beloved beehive, I felt compelled to make a missing poster for it. I'm sure she's got enough on her mind, like......
Well, she shouldn't have to worry about trying to find that naughty little ball of hair. I hope she appreciates the poster, and if someone does find the beehive, they should contact their nearest rehab facility, because you can probably get high from just touching it.
It's just not Wino without the hair.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
For now...
How I love that picture.
I should stop wasting time tapping away on here, so I'm going out to garden. Good night.
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