Christmas is coming up

Which means there's a chance for you to show your friends and relatives how little you know them by getting them crappy gifts. It's the thought the counts, right? Even if no thought went into the present, or if what you thought was actually the complete opposite of their personality.

If you're unsure about what to get, here's a guide-

Go the safe route, and get a gift voucher, or money in a card. Sure, it can say you have no idea what they like, that you'd get something so horrible they'd hate you and return it as soon as possible, or you couldn't be bothered looking; but they'll be able to purchase something they actually like.


Remember one or two aspects of their personality. Me, I like to read. Pick any book off the shelf. If you're lucky, you may remember that I watch televison, and stumble across a book about television. However, be sure to check your idea with someone else, you wouldn't want to buy the same thing for another person, like my mum and aunty did last year when they both bought me the Chaser Annual for 2007. I read them both at the same time, double the entertainment (or double the shit, if you're not a fan).


Be careful about regifting. It's fine to do, if you haven't used the gift too much, or if it's an item of clothing, it doesn't have any stains on it. If you really have some stuff you don't use, you could always donate it to charity. But, if Good Sammie's isn't that close, it's easier to give a friend or family member that you're not that fond of, and thus don't want to spend that much money on. A handbag that you've only used a few times will do the trick, but remember to remove used tissues, movie ticket stubs, and any clues that signal this was your gift in the first place.


If these ideas fail, you can completely give up. Any old shit will do. Take my aunty, who gave me a year old horse calendar, with a $2 sticker on the front of it. Or the time she gave me some nail polish, which deserved a name like "Diarrhoea Delight" based on its shade. What about something a fourteen year old is sure to love, like a broken slinky? Awesome! Watch it do absolutely nothing!