Christmas is coming up

Which means there's a chance for you to show your friends and relatives how little you know them by getting them crappy gifts. It's the thought the counts, right? Even if no thought went into the present, or if what you thought was actually the complete opposite of their personality.

If you're unsure about what to get, here's a guide-

Go the safe route, and get a gift voucher, or money in a card. Sure, it can say you have no idea what they like, that you'd get something so horrible they'd hate you and return it as soon as possible, or you couldn't be bothered looking; but they'll be able to purchase something they actually like.


Remember one or two aspects of their personality. Me, I like to read. Pick any book off the shelf. If you're lucky, you may remember that I watch televison, and stumble across a book about television. However, be sure to check your idea with someone else, you wouldn't want to buy the same thing for another person, like my mum and aunty did last year when they both bought me the Chaser Annual for 2007. I read them both at the same time, double the entertainment (or double the shit, if you're not a fan).


Be careful about regifting. It's fine to do, if you haven't used the gift too much, or if it's an item of clothing, it doesn't have any stains on it. If you really have some stuff you don't use, you could always donate it to charity. But, if Good Sammie's isn't that close, it's easier to give a friend or family member that you're not that fond of, and thus don't want to spend that much money on. A handbag that you've only used a few times will do the trick, but remember to remove used tissues, movie ticket stubs, and any clues that signal this was your gift in the first place.


If these ideas fail, you can completely give up. Any old shit will do. Take my aunty, who gave me a year old horse calendar, with a $2 sticker on the front of it. Or the time she gave me some nail polish, which deserved a name like "Diarrhoea Delight" based on its shade. What about something a fourteen year old is sure to love, like a broken slinky? Awesome! Watch it do absolutely nothing!

I think it's funny..

How no one in my family will change the time on our clocks. The one in our car is seven minutes fast, and because of daylight savings, one hour behind. No one can be bothered to change it, but whenever you want to know the time, you've got to add on one hour, and take away seven minutes.

Denis Leary is an ass hole...but not that big of an ass hole

I think his book was meant to be taken as offensive, but it was his remarks about autism that really offended groups. And obviously people are going to be offended when he calls their kids- "... just stupid. Or lazy. Or both.”
I just watched him on The Daily Show, where he defended what he said, and he came off less douche baggey than I thought he would (yes, douche baggey is a word, as of just now).

And I can understand where he's coming from, when it comes to autism. My two younger brothers are autistic, and while I get riled up when people say there is no such thing as autism, I get even more pissed off when people self-diagnose themselves as having autism, or a form of autism such as Asperger's. Also, Asperger's always sounds like Ass Burgers, like the people who diagnose themselves after reading about Asperger's on an internet forum.

He probably just said this to get publicity for his book, but I have met many people, one case in particular that made my blood boil. A woman who used to work at my brother's primary school, the primary school that I attended as well, which was very small, and hired this woman to work as my brother's aide instead of someone who is actually trained. After she met my brother, and worked with him, she began to say her 12 year old daughter, who was at a nice, private school, was autistic, despite her never showing a sign before her mum met my brother. This woman took her daughter to many, many doctors and psychologists, before finally meeting a medical professional who diagnosed her with autism.

Then, this woman began to collect payments for her daughter, such as disability pensions, which my own mother wasn't eligible for, despite having two disabled children. She also collected single parent payments, although she wasn't seperated from her husband yet, and didn't seem to be short of money, as she had 4 kids in private school, and an enormous house and 3 cars. Somehow, she was able to manipulate the government into paying for her tummy tuck, and 2 boobs jobs (she had them reduced, and then made bigger again).

I have to keep away from her, because she disgusts me. No matter what is said to the government, she continues to get away with exploiting the system.
She was almost found out, a few years ago, when two psychologists who had used to work with my brothers, tried to re-evaluate her daughter, and she tried to get them fired.

Autism can be heart breaking for many families, but those who claim to "cure" it (cough cough, Jenny McCarthy), and those who diagnose themselves, can eat my poo. You are stupid or lazy, but you're probably a combination of both.


I do agree with Denis Leary, but fuck him. I'm sick of actors like Tom Cruise who pretend to know shit about medicine, or psychology. Some morons will actually believe you, so shut up.

Family conversations

Ma Baker: Hey, what does this say?
(She refuses to get glasses, even though she clearly needs them.)
Me: What does what say?
(I was drying my hair after getting out of the shower as I walked over to her.)
Ma Baker: Why were you walking like that?
Me: What do you mean?
Ma Baker: You were waddling.
Me: No, I was just scratching my arse as I walked.

How rude of me...

I haven't introduced myself yet. Please, pull up a chair (if you're not already sitting on one, although most people sit on computer chairs near a computer. Mine resembles a stool on wheels, because my brother broke off the arms and back. Not that good for your back, I have to say), grab a drink.





That is a picture of me, as I was learning to read, and grabbing any kind of reading material I could get my hands on. And, of course, every parent needs to take embarrassing pictures of their children to show to friends and family.

I'm Miss Candle Stick Maker, because my family's surname is a profession, for example, Baker. In my primary school, there were two boys whose last names were Cheeseman and Cheesemaker. When my teacher once talked about names, and some of the meanings, I sarcastically asked what their names meant. A girl turned towards me, squinted her eyes like she was thinking deeply, and said in all seriousness, "I think it means...someone who makes cheese."
I was very grateful for that insight. Never would have figured that out.





I recently graduated from high school, just this year. I was very disappointed in myself, for not being more average. On my report card, I had two A's, a B, and three C's. I should have strived for blandness, to get C's across the board. Not that there's anything wrong in getting C's, but I'm so average in everything I'm surprised I didn't get them for every subject.





Unlike my classmates and counter parts, I'm not out working full-time, or applying for university or TAFE. I would be working full-time, but I just quit my job. They were being arseholes about the fact that I have to have an operation in December, during Christmas shopping. Which I guess, is fair enough, if it weren't for the fact that I told them during my interview, and on my first day of training, and they fell about telling me it was fine, that they were glad to have me on the team! I don't understand why they couldn't get someone to cover my shifts, seeing as I only get one or two shifts a week. It was just easier to blame me, I guess. So they said they were going to replace me before the end of November, which I don't believe. They always came in under budget, they didn't have enough money for me to have two shifts a week, they can't afford to replace me.


At this time last year, I had three part-time jobs. How the mighty have fallen...yeah, not really. There's no point in me applying for another job and working there until my operation because the training will take too long, and no one will employ a girl who can work there for a week or two, and can't be there when it's going to be busy.





I'm also not applying for TAFE, because I have no idea what I want to do. I have applied for university, but I don't particularly like the courses I applied for. I think I find out if I got in on Christmas Eve, which is sure to depress me for the entire holidays, so I'm going to ignore it until my holiday cheer has drained away.





Since leaving school and quitting my job, I've been at home much more than I ever used to be. I've become addicted to bad TV (Girls of the Playboy Mansion, The Rachel Zoe Project, etc) and cleaning. I need a hobby, like stamp collecting.





Enough about that, I should talk about my family. I live with my mother, Ma Baker, and my two younger brothers, who both happen to be disabled. They are B1 and B2, alike in what seperates them from the rest of the world, but still so different. I guess they couldn't improve on perfection, after my parents had me. That's totally it. I've hardly seen my father, who I have lovingly nicknamed Arsehole. He recently bought me a car, which I appreciate, but I don't one nice gesture is going to make up for years of abuse.





My entire family is crazy, especially my Scottish, homicidal grandfather. I can never understand a word that he says, and one of the rare chats I had with him, ended up going exactly like this-


Him: Blah blah blah


Me: I'm sorry, what did you say?


Him: Huh?


Me: What?


Him: HUH?!


For the moment, I think that's a pretty good introduction. I hope you enjoyed it, if you didn't, it's not my job to entertain you.

Family conversations

This is going to be a regular topic, as I recall and write down some conversations between my family that make me laugh.

This convo happened before the execution of the Bali bombers, when my mum (Ma Baker), my aunty and my cousin were discussing the execution, and how it would change the mood in that area. A lovely dinner conversation, of course.

Ma Baker: I've heard that some extremeists might kidnap some Westerners.
Cousin: What, Western Australians?
*Pause*
Me: ...
Ma Baker: No, Westerners, like from the western world.
Cousin: Why would they do that?
Me: (quietly) For the lulz.

First post, hoorah!

This is my first venture into the world of blogging, and I'm pretty sure I need a map. I have no idea how to use HTML, edit layouts, and all that jazz.

It could be worse, because I may only know the basics of computers, my aunty is afraid to turn her computer on. When I was helping her with her résumé, she stood behind, peeking out from behind her fingers. She was afraid I was going to blow up the computer, especially when I used the enter key to make paragraphs.
"Oooh, I don't know about this. I don't think you're doing it right." She muttered.
"It's fine, what's the worst that could happen?" I replied.
"The computer could explode!"
"I think the only way the computer could blow up because you pushed enter is if a little pop up said- 'Would you like to blow up your computer? Y/N' and you pressed enter."
"I'm still not sure."


I think I'll just use this blog to talk about my family, television, and some other random things. If anyone reads this, I hope you enjoy it! And if you can help me make this look more attractive, that would be appreciated.


Eat something delicious for dinner tonight.